


Trust me

by sihaiya



Series: Maybe [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Era, Canon Universe, Character Study, Multi, eruri established relationship, spoilers for who's not read the manga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 13:31:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3412448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sihaiya/pseuds/sihaiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day after the battle with Annie in Stohess Eren is struggling against the guilt and unexpectedly finds himself having to deal with somehting he cannot define.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust me

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for being so late, but I had to fight an awful writer's block so well, better now than never.  
> Also, due to the aforementioned writer's block, I've not been able to write anything specifically for the eruriren week, so I'm humbly offering this one as an entry for day one (faith).

To Eren being secluded in a basement has by now become a habit, even if it doesn't mean that to him it has become someway more pleasant, especially now that Mikasa and Armin were summoned to report about what happened in Stohess and he's been left alone, again.

It's not like he really minds to have no one to talk, but being by himself and with nothing to do aside from waiting leaves his mind free to go around in circles, often bringing up things he doesn't want to think about too deep, or maybe at all. He tried to ask Mikasa about the situation in the district and the number of casualties he caused fighting with Annie, but she didn't say anything to him, claiming about not knowing it, always trying to shelter him, even from himself.

So, just for the sake of doing something and stop thinking about it, he started with pushups and right now he's doing his fifth series of abs crunches. It's something he had began to do back at the headquarters, since his first nights in the basement, since he discovered to be a shifter: the thing is that physical exercise makes him feel in control of his body, in control of himself, and this has a needed calming effect on him, even if he knows deeply inside that it's only an illusion. He almost laughs thinking about how, between this and Captain's daily training, he's probably become more ripped in this last month than in three years as a trainee.

It's around his seventh series that the sound of the opening door stops him and he stands up, expecting his friends to be back, only to be confronted by his Commander the exact moment he turns towards the door.

"I didn't expect you to be awake."

Eren's not sure if he really caught a glimpse of surprise and hesitation on the Commander's face, especially because right now, while he's speaking, he's smiling to him, anyway his military habits kick in a matter of moments and he straightens up, saluting.

"Commander. How can I serve you?" He's still unsure about his superior being here rather than at the Military Police inquiry, but he decides to treat all of this like something perfectly normal and to go with the flow.

Erwin smiles again, lightly, before nodding towards the only furniture present in the room, the bed and a chair.

"You can rest Eren, I only thought to check on your condition while I was on my way to the meeting."

Eren relaxes and sits on the edge of the bed, but he's still confused because how on earth could this cellar readjusted to a temporary room just for him be on the way to the inquiry? This time even he doesn't need Armin's presence to sense that something is amiss. Out of curiosity he'd ask, but thinking about what happened and why the meeting is going on since yesterday moves his attention on what was troubling him since he woke up.

"Could I ask you something, sir?" He's not hesitant, he needs to know, and he thinks that his Commander could understand this need more than others in the Legion.

Erwin, who already hinted to leave the room, stops. "Go ahead." He replies before taking a seat on the chair next to him.

"How many died because of me?"

He doesn't waver at the question, but he takes a moment before actually answer to it. "We don't know the exact number yet, the Garrison is still helping to extract the bodies from the rubble. It'll take some days before we'll know."

At this Eren becomes silent and darkens. He doesn't reply, he honestly doesn't know what to say, because it's something he already had imagined, but now that it became real it's also something that he's unable to digest, guilt too strong to consent him to let it pass like nothing. He doesn't look at his Commander, his head bowed to stare at his hands folded in his lap, and lets the silence drag on until Erwin voice breaks his thoughts.

"It's not your fault. Your orders were from me."

This makes him snap. A blind, furious and burning anger invades his frame, making him shake in a useless effort to restrain it.

"Is this what you usually say to the Captain? Did this make him able to sleep when his squad died?"

Eren feels his words burning in his throat, making it raw while he spells them, and while he's panting trying to restrain himself to say more he knows he has exceeded the limit of insubordination. He's always been like this, first blind pain and guilt and then even more blind rage, and right now he's not even sure he does care.

At his outburst Erwin's feature tense, but when he replies he's not mad, instead he directs towards Eren a sorrowful little smile. "Levi barely sleeps..." He whispers, almost inaudible, as speaking more with himself rather than to the other. "I know very well that this is not enough for you, but I'm sure you know that what you've done is worthwhile. It doesn't erase the pain, but you need to have faith in the decisions you've taken: trust yourself, trust your teammates and Levi... trust me."

Eren's about to reply when the door opens again, letting Captain Levi burst into the room.

"Erwin you are fucking late, Zackley is starting to fret."

The Commander sighs while standing up. "He needed time to question our recruits so all is fine." He dryly comments before turning towards Eren.

He's about to say something to him when he's preceded by the newcomer. "You look like shit, and actually smell like one." Levi states, eyeing the boy critically."You're thinking too much again, aren't you?"

Eren stills, not sure how to reply to the Captain's words, but he's right, he's letting his insecurities putting him down, and now that he's facing both of his superiors, the ones who saved his life and gave him the opportunity to fight for his dreams he cannot avoid to feel a bit ashamed of himself.

"Maybe a bit..." He mutters, sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck before regaining at least a bit his determination. "...I'm sorry."

The Captain is still staring at him, probably weighing him up, and then he's turning towards the door. "Don't be sorry for being human." He whispers, and Eren's not even sure he heard it, but it's something that warms his chest and makes his eyes sting. "I'll give dispositions for you to be escorted to the showers, you seriously need it." He finally adds, his back still turned to him, before leaving the room.

Erwin clears his throat to catch his attention, still impassive as usual, even if in his eyes there's something Eren can not define that brightens their blue. "I'm sorry, but now we really need to go." He simply says before joining his Captain.

Eren follows with his eyes his two superiors leaving, a little baffled by his whirlwind of emotions and by the abrupt change of situation, before realizing they left the door slightly open and that he can still hear their muffled voices just out of the room. He's not sure what posses him, but trying to be as silent as possible he reaches the door to peek out.

They're still in the hallway, no more than few yards away, talking tightly in a low voice with soft expressions, hands touching the bodies in tiny little gestures of comfort that only a careful observer could grasp. It's something that recalls to him what the Captain said that night in the basement about offering his heart to the Commander(*) and suddenly he feels like he's intruding something that's not for his eyes, so he backs off, returning slowly to the bed.

Erwin's words about trust and Levi's ones still linger in the air, as well as their presence, a presence that's something he's unable to fully explain. He usually never has the time to think, well, he usually never gives himself the time to do it, but now that he's stuck here he has plenty of it, and right now he's so confused that the idea of resuming his exercises doesn't touch him the slightest.

He can't stop thinking about what he just saw and he can't stop thinking why the Commander was in his room. For the first time he's realizing that the more he thinks about it the more he's unable to give a name to what he really feels for his two superiors: during the month he passed with the Legion he thought it to simply be his childhood admiration for his heroes, he thought it to be respect due to what they was and what they did, he thought it to be the trust Erwin mentioned before, trust in them to make the right choice and to be there for him if needed, but to be fair he has to admit that right now he's certain that, while not knowing in what kind of relationship they're in, he'd do anything to be part of that sort of cuddling he's sure he's seen and he's unable to understand why.

He's not sure how much time passes, but he's still chewing on his knuckles, lost in his train of thoughts, when Hanji storms inside the room, for once not with a manic grin on her face but with a troubled and urged expression.

"Wall Rose was breached, it's time to get moving."

**Author's Note:**

> (*) If you don't know what Eren is referring to it means you've missed the [2nd part](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2601698) of this series. You don't need to read it to understand this one, but it makes it easier and more whole for sure ;)
> 
> The series is not complete, I’ve got it almost entirely planned, I just need time and inspiration to actually write it.  
> Thanks for reading and remember you can subscribe the series (rather than its single stories) to know when I’ll post another oneshot ;)


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